Civilisation and Uncivilisation on London Transport.

On my way into Central London today I had two experiences very typical of public transport in London.

As I got up to change trains at Camden, my head collided with somebody’s elbow. Or maybe her elbow collided with my head. Either way we both apologised to one another profusely. If you use public transport alot you’ll realise that this is almost always the course of events. If you crash into somebody both of you will turn round and apologise. If somebody steps on your toe – even if it fucking hurts – you will assure them that it is quite alright. Indeed, I would argue that the Tube offers a picture of Londoners which is quite different from the image of rude degenerates that non-Londoners seem to imagine.

What it boils down to is this. Using the Tube is, objectively speaking, a massive pain in the arse. The service is quite simply inadequate for the vast numbers of people that need to use it. Many of use will spend at least ten journeys a week squashed tight against other people, and the great mass of us respond by being extra-considerate of one another. Step back and you will notice a whole set of ‘ground rules’ that we will almost all voluntarily abide by.

This, I have realised, is the reason why my other very typical experience today is something that evokes such disgust. My enjoyment of Leonard Cohen’s If It Be Your Will was suddenly interrupted when a couple of 18 year olds got on with music blasting out the speakers on the phones. Unlike me and everybody else listening to music, they had not felt it necessary to bring headphones. As other Londoners will testify, this practice – which after a short hiatus seems to be coming back into fashion – is incredibly annoying. From a personal point of view, it’s made worse by the fact that I never hear anything I like – quite simply because Rock fans are too decent to behave so inconsiderately to others.

But our reasonable disgust at people who come on to tubes and blast us with their music is not simply a matter of its immediate impact upon our our journey. Rather, it is because it represents an affront to our culture. It is precisely because we as a community have developed such a strong ettiquete to help us deal with the daily commute, that these people represent such a scummy element. It is, in other words, a problem of people standing outside our London civilisation, but existing within our social space.

And I believe that – in their thick minded way – the people who blast us with music understand this. If it was simply about wanting to listen to music they could buy headphones. If they wanted to listen to music together they could go down to maplin and get a two-way adapter for about £1.50. No what motivates the speakerphone scum is the chance to get on a bus and feel a bit powerful, to mark out a bit of public space as belonging privately to them.

Perhaps it’s time for City Hall to invent a new crime entitled Civic Treason.