Pushy Parents

Guest post by Ruth Lukom.

The other morning I heard Labour minister Alan Milburn praise ‘pushy parents.’ It was said during the discussion on the report he has just compiled that reveals children of wealthier well-connected parents seem to get the best jobs in Britain.

Sometimes you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Milburn  knows that in the market culture that is education (begun by the Tories and heartily embraced by Labour) your child’s chances of success in the job market begin at school. You and I know it starts a lot sooner. Milburn wants ‘more pushy parents – not fewer’ and conflated aspirational with pushy. I should have listened more closely but ended up screaming at the radio. Especially when they interviewed a ‘street’ Tory boy who argued against those from socially deprived backgrounds benefiting from positive selection by university panels .. “it’s patronizing innit…!!” His co-panelist patiently argued that the evidence shows  degrees obtained by state school graduates are the same as those from private/independent schools who had higher A level grades. Tory boy – with his sights set firmly on the forthcoming Party conference ignored him like a pro.

Most parents recoil at the idea of being pushy. Pushy parents are the ones who stand on touchlines and shriek mercilessly at their children. They pay for private tutoring  and expect top grades and berate the child for anything less. I know this because I’ve seen the Channel 5 documentaries. Gosh. I felt such a good parent afterwards. Sometimes they show working-class pushy parents. These put their children into beauty pagents. No. We’re not ‘pushy parents’. However we want the best for our children. That isn’t pushy. Making sure that your child gets into the best school in the area isn’t pushy. Although – damn. That may mean moving and paying an extra 20k for a house the same size or putting them in the feeder primary which is a church school. There goes Sunday morning lie-ins. And once your child is at that school it’s important that the school maintains standards. But what if you are a parent who refuses to push their child into anything except possibly personal hygiene and the odd bit of clearing up? What if you are content with second-best for your child? What if you feel that you should accept what public services are available as scrambling for limited places involves clambering over other people and that is for the January sales. Don’t forget – the only way to get to those bargains is to push past someone else. Pushing is pushing in at the bus stop or cutting me up on the road  (die you bastard !) because you and your time is more important than mine. More importantly – remind me again the purpose of being a pushy parent ? Yes – it was so my child can get access to top jobs like merchant banking. Alright – law and medicine too. (If you want to be a merchant banker I suspect you are on the wrong website). If you or your child want to be a lawyer or doctor you will need grit, grades and grafting  plus support – financial and moral. Sometimes you need your washing done, a hot meal and some advice. Pushing is unethical and immoral. It is for a cattle market world and it is not parenting.