Same old story

In contrast to the recent dramatic weather, a stagnant air of ennui has settled over Westminster. In the run up to the general election, what should be a time of bold moves and inspiring rhetoric instead has all the atmosphere of a doctor’s waiting room. Sensing this, the voters have gone into hibernation. The offerings from the three main parties have been so uninspiring we would rather look at pictures of icicles and a snowman that looks like a phallus.

This should be the time when Labour pulls out all the stops and acts like there’s no tomorrow – because the way they’re going, there isn’t. True, there was the failed coup attempt – which was interesting for all of half a day – but, since then, the message has been “business as usual”. Which is a shame as “business as usual” hasn’t been working for some time. “Business as usual” consists of economic recession, a lame duck prime minister and a cabinet treading water and trying not to get caught in the vortex when he submerges.

Yet the Conservatives are equally guilty of failing to inspire. One might have thought they would seize the opportunity to deliver a sucker punch to Labour. However, their own self-assurance has made them cautious and boring. They are now so sure of victory that the focus is on ‘not screwing up’ rather than delivering any substance. The disturbing campaign posters of Cameron are almost a metaphor for this – airbrushed to perfection they give an impression of smoothing things over until the election.

Also, as a lifelong pedant, I must take umbrage with their abysmal campaign slogan: “Year for Change”. There’s a definite article missing. Oh the irony.

With the two traditional front-runners in stasis, the Lib Dems have also failed to impress. Nick Clegg delivered his manifesto in Canary Wharf yesterday like a Thai hawker selling counterfeit goods in a Bangkok market: “Same! Same! But different!” The Lib Dem approach certainly is different: while other parties are trying out non-policies like new coats in the Winter sale, the Lib Dems have decided to take their policies to the charity shop. They’ve made savage cuts to their own manifesto.
“The heart of our manifesto will be short, direct and to the point,” Clegg said. “We have stripped away everything that is not essential because the country cannot afford it.”

Sadly what’s left is everything that fails to differentiate them from the other parties.

It feels like the same old, same old. Even the same old players are back in town. Today’s media focus was Alistair Campbell giving evidence to the Iraq Inquiry. It feels like some kind of terrible déjà vu. The voters are bored, the media is bored, so too were the audience at the Inquiry this morning. As Alistair Campbell gave evidence, an elderly gentleman with a City AM newspaper (who must have queued for hours to get into the conference centre) could be seen nodding off over Campbell’s shoulder for the entire duration of his evidence. What we need is an urgent thaw.