General Election to be fought in Role Play Game format – move away from Real Time Strategy

Traditionally electoral contests have been based around a real time strategy type format. Politicians would be presented with a Civilisation II style map (see below) and would aim to gain the most “votes” in each constituency.

This is what elections used to look like. For more info, look up Peter Snow.

Yet the electoral comission believes that this model – like most RTS games – involves far too much waiting around and not enough action.

By contrast this year’s election will centre around a series of quests. Cameron and Brown will traverse the constituencies of Great Britain – vanquishing enemies, gaining experience and learning spells – before finally doing battle on Parliament Square.

Political journalists are already eagerly awaiting the battle of mid-bedforshire, where Gordon Brown is expected to do battle with level seven dragon Nadine Dorries. Dorries is said to have over 1200 hit points and possess a giant steel broadsword (damage: 30-40 +8). She is also known to be fiercely protective of her dragonettes.

Electoral developer Stephen Smith said that Cameron and Brown should be prepared for a steep learning curve: “Both candidates will begin in East Anglia, where naturally they will be armed only with pitchforks (dmg 1-4). But by the time they do battle at Westminster, they will be both be proficient in high level fireball and lightning bolt spells.”

Cameron has called on Brown to forfeit the battle, saying that after three attempts on his leadership and the worst recession in modern history, Brown was “running out of time, running out of ideas and running out of hit points”. Brown, however, hit back, telling reporters that David Cameron “has all the charisma of a level three druid”.

Electoral Commision chief exec Ronald Ironhammer recognises that some older voters may be skeptical about the new system. However, he says that the old model had been in place for hundreds of years, and simply wasn’t suited to the way politics is done in the 21st century. He added that “if you can’t make head or tale of what this is about then you probably spend too much time out your bedroom, play too few games and are generally a massive n00b”.

To contact Reuben email reuben@thethirdestate.net